Here’s what I’m talking about this week…
- Self-sabotaging when good things happen in your life
- Your upper limit problem
- Turning up the volume of awareness to move beyond resistance
There’s something frustrating that kept happening to me for years.
Whenever I experienced things that felt too good to be true in my life, I’d be pulled back with fear, anxiety and disbelief.
I’d move towards circumstances that felt more familiar and those were relationships with a ton of pain and suffering.
I’d find myself attracted to men who were emotionally unavailable, never getting what I needed in relationships. It wasn’t long until I realised that I did this because it was easier than breaking my barriers of intimacy with men that I wanted to be with.
What’s worse is that I knew that they wern’t giving me what I needed but I’d keep going back to them for the sake of attachment as opposed to love.
Despite knowing this, I’d be overridden with fear and I’d long to receive love from people who couldn’t give it to me. This meant that I’d go back to people only to be disappointed and I’d create a pattern of “on and off” relationships.
I was stuck and I was setting myself up for failure every time. I refused to take responsibility for my choices and I’d blame them for mistreating me, which left me feeling powerless and victimised.
When a open-hearted potential boyfriend came along, I’d over-analyse the situation because it felt too good to be true and I didn’t want to risk getting hurt again.
I was tormented by the fear of being abandoned and I didn’t want to go through the pain of being left by someone that I actually loved.
That’s when I learned about the “upper limit problem” and how I self sabotaged when good things happened in my life.
But it isn’t all bad. The good news is that we have more control over our lives than we think, and there’s something that we can do to stop self-sabotaging for good.
If you’ve ever found yourself wanting to run and hide or feel anxious when things seem to get really good, start by practicing these three vital steps and watch your love, joy and success expand.
Upper limit problem
When you find yourself sabotaging it’s because you’ve reach your upper limit problem. This was coined by Gay Hendricks in his awe-inspiring book “The Big Leap”. This book changed my life and helped me to take steps to unwire self-sabotage in my life.
Our upper limit is essentially an inner thermostat setting that tells us how much success, love and happiness we can have in our life. It’s essentially our comfort zone.
Whenever we go beyond our upper limit, we experience too much tension than we can handle so we resolve it by following the path with the least resistance.
We unconsciously take destructive steps to sabotage and trip ourselves up. This takes us back to our comfort zone that feels familiar and safe.
This challenge with our upper limit problem is something that we keep facing in our life. Whenever we go to a new level in love or success we experience the same tension again. Have you ever heard the phrase new level new devil? It’s exactly that.
So here’s how you can overcome those feelings and stop self-sabotage in it’s tracks.
Raise the volume of awareness
First of all, you have to raise the volume of awareness when you hear yourself saying things like “this is too good to be true”, “this is a fluke” or “I don’t deserve this”.
You have to start accepting good things that are happening to you if you want to expand the quality of your life.
When you’ve raised your awareness, take a moment to acknowledge that you’re experiencing resistance. This is totally normal and it’s something similar to growing pains.
Once you’ve done this, you’ll realise that you have the power to move beyond the resistance so that you can learn to accept
the good things that are happening in your life.
Anchor in your experience
The second step you can take when something good is happening in your life is anchoring it into your experience. When you’re aware that something feels too good to be true it’s time to anchor it into your experience.
If something good happens to you and you feel drunk, you might start saying to yourself “this is too good”. This is when you need to anchor it in.
You can say to yourself “it’s safe for me to have a loving and intimate relationship”, or “it’s safe for me to expand in love and success”. This experience is real and I choose to accept it and embrace it. I don’t need to feel anxious about it and I don’t need to sabotage myself right now. It’s safe for me to be happy! It’s safe for me to let go and experience joy.
Gratitude is an extremely powerful tool that you can use to reframe an experience that feels too good to be true. You can’t feel grateful and anxious at the same time and when you look at something with gratitude, you rewire your brain to accept the good things around you.
You can say “thank you for giving me this opportunity to grow and evolve”. Thank you for this positive and loving experience. This is a great reminder for me to enjoy this experience and not sabotage it. I accept and acknowledge the fact that I’m doubting myself but I choose to breathe in this experience.
If it’s your business where you’re experiencing your upper limit, you can use the same technique.
For example, if you’ve had a successful week with new clients but you find yourself doubting your success you might say to yourself “I will breathe in and enjoy this experience”. I can repeat the same success next week. It’s safe for me to expand in success. It’s safe for me to expand in wealth.
Take aligned action
When you’ve anchored in the experience and you’ve acknowledged that it’s safe to expand in love or success, you want to take aligned action.
Usually when you’re experiencing tension, you’ll focus on what you don’t want and you’ll take destructive steps to recreate negative experiences of pain and suffering.
Instead, you can pivot your attention by asking yourself what it is that you really want.
You might say to yourself “what’s obvious to me about what I really want?” or “what is my end result?”. This will help you to tap into your intuition so that you can discover the next steps towards your end result.
Say for example you’re dating a guy and it feels too good to be true, usually you might get anxious and pull yourself back because you don’t want to get hurt.
Instead of following this usual pattern of steps towards what you don’t want, you can ask yourself “what is my end result?”.
If your end result is having an open-hearted and loving partner and this guy you’re dating is giving off all those good vibes, the next step might be to accept his invitation to go on another date.
If it’s in your business and you’re worried that you’re not going to be able to create the same success next week. Again, breathe in the experience. Acknowledge your success. Ask yourself “what is my end result?”.
If you’re end result is to repeat your income goal next week, repeat the same activities you did to create those income results.
It might be that last week you got a lot of discovery calls in your diary because you personally reached out to people. If that’s the case, take those same steps again next week.
I would love to hear about your stories in the comments below:
Have you found yourself not being able to handle good things in your life?
What destructive steps did you take to sabotage yourself?
Have you learned to move beyond your upper limit and if so, what techniques do you use to expand your love, joy wealth and success?
I can’t wait to hear your thoughts and ideas or insights of inspiration. Self sabotage is something that we all do and it’s time that we openly talk about it so we can break the patterns.
If you know a friend or colleague who could do with support on this area, please pass this onto them.
With so much gratitude and appreciation,