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Our shadow is the hidden parts of us we’ve suppr Our shadow is the hidden parts of us we’ve suppressed from life altering experiences and attachment injury. They hold intense emotions, negative beliefs and patterns that keep us stuck in a trance of fear. Shadow work helps us bring to light these troubled parts of us and integrate them into our consciousness, so that we can be more present. IMO, shadow work is a prerequisite to a healthy & secure relationship. Psst, if you’d like to dive deeper into your healing to become securely attached in relationships, join my free group becoming secure 💜(link in bio) #shadowwork #innerchildhealing #shadowworker #healing #innerchildwork
Words to soothe your inner child 👶🏼 #innerc Words to soothe your inner child 👶🏼 #innerchild #innerchildhealing #complextrauma #innerchildwork #innerchildtherapy
Common anxious attachment triggers 🤍 Which one Common anxious attachment triggers 🤍 Which ones do you resonate with? 🐰Hop over to my free group Becoming Secure to learn how to soothe anxiety and become grounded and confident in relationships ✨⚡️✨(link in bio) #anxiousattachment #attachmenttheory #anxiousmind #secureattachment #attachmenttheory
An illuminating truth 🌻🌻✨✨ How can you v An illuminating truth 🌻🌻✨✨ How can you validate your feelings? 🧡🧡
If you feel fear, panic and anxiety when a lover e If you feel fear, panic and anxiety when a lover energetically pulls away or isn’t available, then you might be anxiously attached. If that’s the case, it’s likely that you had a mother and/or father who was inconsistent, and lacked empathy and emotional attunement. This meant that you grew up feeling unseen, unheard, unwanted and unloved and it created emotional wounds of neglect, loneliness and rejection in your subconscious mind. Not having parents to guide you or comfort you when you needed them, meant that you had to work extra hard to get your attachment needs met. This may have manifested into becoming a people pleaser, fixer, or caretaking type in order to keep others happy. Your early childhood experiences made you think that you have to work hard to get love, and if you take care of others, you’ll get it in return. But when you don’t get the level of love and energy back you feel enormous fear, anxiety and panic. You start analysing what your lover said. You obsess about how often they communicate with you. You do anything to distract yourself or numb yourself from the pain. To all my anxious folks who struggle with attachment anxiety, I know your struggle. I also see your big, caring & generous heart, and your gift to attune to other's needs. But you don’t have to work as hard as you do. Your pure presence is enough. When you can see your anxious attachment style as a myriad of parts working hard to keep you safe and uphold balance, you can begin to heal through self-compassion. 🦋 Perhaps you’re ready to look inward and heal the wounds you may be carrying, so you can become secure and find lasting inner love? In my upcoming group program I’ll be helping you to do exactly that and I’ll be joining forces with relationship coach, Chani Mehlman who will teach you how to attract a secure partner. If you’re interested in starting your journey, I’m offering 15 minute consultation calls. And if you sign up with the early bird pricing, you’ll get a 1 hour anxious attachment healing session with me (link in bio) - Vicky Hockaday Attachment healer
Awareness is the first step in healing 🌿 Here’s the common patterns of those with anxious attachment, and how secure partners behave differently. Which patterns are you keen to change? 🤍🕊️
My experience with healing my anxious attachment… Last year I had the goal of healing my anxious attachment and becoming securely attached. I used to feel hopeless because I thought that I was hardwired, but I had a glimmer of hope, incredible commitment, a willingness to look inward and the tenacity to heal burning inside of me. Fast forward to now….and I’m securely attached. I feel more calm, grounded and zen than ever - it's like a new world! Every day I wake up feeling calm, grounded, peaceful, content, whole and fulfilled. I don’t worry about the future and I trust the journey of life. I don’t put pressure on myself to be in a relationship or find a relationship, because I know what’s more important is the relationship I have with myself. I have a secure attachment with myself and that’s something that nobody can take away from me. I can rely on me. I can parent me. I can soothe me. I used to really struggle with space but now I see the sacredness of it. I used to work hard for love and now I only work hard in loving myself. I used to judge myself for being needy but now I see myself as someone valuing emotional intimacy. I don’t get rocked by other people’s inconsistency, because I am anchored by my own consistency. If I were to look back on the key milestones, here's what helped me 🤍 I created stability in my life by focusing on my purpose and growing a business from my soul purpose and soul lessons 🤍 I stopped overgiving and emotionally investing in people until they consistently showed up for me 🤍 I broke the cycle of neglect by taking care of myself, creating healthy routines and healthy habits 🤍 I became my own inner mother and created a secure base inside of myself 🤍 I stopped tolerating inconsistent communication and being over compassionate about people’s lack of presence 🤍 I healed the parts of me that found other people’s avoidance alluring and I healed the lonely parts of me that chose people out of lack P.S My upcoming 12 week group experience: heal insecure attachment and attract secure love officially starts on the 11th October. There is a £50 off early bird discount until October 4th. DM for info
People who lean towards anxious attachment often g People who lean towards anxious attachment often grew up with inconsistent and misattuned parenting. Sometimes parents were responsive to children’s needs and other times they were misattuned to them. This inconsistency creates a confused child who doesn't understand their parent’s mixed signals. The child learns that their parents aren’t present, so they develop patterns to try and get their emotional needs met. These tend to be 🔸 Not knowing their emotional needs 🔸 Not asking for what they want to avoid getting a parent angry or upset 🔸 Anxiety and hyper-vigilance 🔸 Becoming highly distressed when a parent leaves 🔸 Fear of rejection and abandonment Later on in their adult lives they project their internal experience onto other and they over analyse and obsessively worry about people’s emotional availability and go through an emotional rollercoaster of fear, panic and anxiety when someone energetically pulls away or is inconsistent. One of the biggest tools I teach my anxious clients is to connect with the experience happening inside of them, particularly their internal world of parts (ego states, patterns of behaviour, feelings and emotions). This can feel very foreign to do because they’re so focused on getting their attachment needs met externally rather than internally. When they can get their attachment needs met internally, they can calm themselves down, self-soothe and find inner safety. They break free from the parts of them that may be choosing unavailable partners, the parts of them that feel like they have to prove their worth and the parts of them that are tolerating mixed signals. P.S My upcoming 12 week group experience: heal insecure attachment and attract secure love officially starts on the 11th October. I will be going far beyond attachment theory and will be teaching you how to heal the parts of you that choose unavailable partners and create an inner secure base, so you attract secure and healthy love. There is a £50 off early bird discount until October 4th. Book a consultation below (link in comments)
If you lean towards an anxious attachment style, t If you lean towards an anxious attachment style, then it’s likely you feel fear, panic and anxiety when your lover leaves or needs space. This is because growing up you had absent and misattuned caregivers who didn’t make you feel safe, so you learned that you need to control your environment to get love. Here are a few tips to manage your anxious attachment style: 1 Practice mindfulness. Close your eyes and go inward. Observe where you experience the anxiety in your body and just notice it. 2 Self compassion. If you feel anxious, fear or panic validate your feelings and emotions by saying it’s ok to feel anxious. 3 Don’t overgive. Overgiving or overinvesting makes you vulnerable to getting your heart broken. Give so much that if they left tomorrow it wouldn’t hurt you. 4 Meet your emotional needs. Identify what your core emotional needs are and learn to meet them yourself. 5 Communicate your needs. If you need daily communication then tell them you would love to hear from them more). What helps you manage your anxious attachment style? Share below ❤️✨ ~ Vicky Hockaday P.S Want to heal anxious attachment for good and go from clingy to confident in your relationships? Join my group Becoming Secure where I'll be sharing ways to practice secure attachment. I'd love to welcome you 🤗 (link in comments)
For those of you who lean towards anxious attachme For those of you who lean towards anxious attachment, it’s likely that you choose emotionally unavailable partners. Let’s say you’re a woman who tends to attract emotionally unavailable men. There is chemistry, intensity that makes the relationship magnetic but at the same time tumultuous and challenging. When you sense that he is unavailable or energetically pulling away, you feel panic and anxiety, and instead of thinking “ok this person isn’t compatible with me as they have different needs for emotional closeness, time to move on…” ...You hold on tight to keep the love because there are parts of you that don’t feel worthy of secure love, parts that struggle to accept endings and unresolved parts that wish that he would love you the way you wish they could...and perhaps then you’ll be worthy. So you invest all your energy into him, you’re there for him when he needs you and you overgive, because you think that if you give, give, give he’ll see you as the amazing woman you are. But resentment comes knocking. You don’t get the level of love you were hoping for in return, and you feel neglected, angry and hurt. Overwhelmed with emotions, you express your dissatisfaction, leading him to feel criticised, attacked, and not good enough..and so he withdraws. When you also withdraw, he feels safe enough to come closer again, and the cycle continues… If you want to learn more about how you can start to heal anxious attachment and stop choosing emotionally unavailable people, join my community where I’ll be talking more about the following △ How our early relationships shape our attachment style △ How to self-soothe anxiety △ Healing anxious attachment and becoming securely attached ~ Vicky Hockaday, Inner Child Healer 🍂
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